“Sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith.”
In a way, I’ve always known who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do, but I like many, allowed life and what others thought, to be the running theme in my life, even in the many moments when I strenuously denied this was the case.
We all want to be seen as steering our ship, charting a course that no one has charted before, living the life only we imagine for ourselves. However, for me when I finally decided to be completely truthful with myself about myself, I saw that many of my desires and dreams I had, were ones I’d imbibed from others, imagining that in the accomplishment of them, I would become who and what I thought they wanted me to be.
I look back at my life and am amazed at the life I have lived so far. The achievements I have accomplished, the blessings I have received and the meeting of many, many gorgeous people who have supported me and helped me get where I am. Nonetheless, it was only when I received a copy of my new book, ‘Six Steps to Six Figures; Release Your Fears, Own Your Worth and Ask For What You Want’ (yay!) from my publisher, that I realised the creation of this book has only been possible, because I finally did the opposite of what I have been told is the way to success and achievement.
For a long time, I was driven with thoughts of what I needed to do to feel of value, to contribute, to be of service, to live my purpose, and I pushed myself ceaselessly to be and do this, not realising I was making it far, far harder than it needed to be. My level of trust around the notion of simply living as the best version of me and being and doing all I love would mean all I chose would come my way. This didn’t mean not doing anything; it simply meant not being driven from a perception of significant lack in me, which has been the driving force for, and of me.
I can finally acknowledge this to myself. In my entire career, I accomplished to feel deserving; I didn’t know this at the time, I do now. Even as recent as last year, this was my truth. It was hard to look this truth in the face when it showed up. I wanted to feel accomplished because it’s who I am and who I choose to be, not to fill a gap that can’t be filled. Learning that trying to fill this gap is an impossible task, for you can’t be or give what you don’t have, and no amount of doing will fill that hole.
What I also learnt and faced is I have utilised my strength of will to create all I have. Very rarely have I gone with the flow, and what I came to know is that will (doing) can’t fill feeling lack at the deepest part of us. Don’t get me wrong – I look back at my career and love it for all the ups and downs, the highs and the lows – it has made me who I am, yet I also get now how hard I made it all.
One thing I’m likely to hear in response to this, is to make your dreams come true, you have to work really, really hard. You have to deserve it. You have to earn it. Well, I disagree. Yes, your dreams ask more of you than you might ever imagine you have within you, but what I have discovered is this. We all have everything that is required to make our dreams come true within us – we simply must choose to let it out, live it how we see fit (no one else) with no holds barred.
And how do we be and do that? We must BE who we are and who we believe ourselves to be, and demonstrate this in what we DO in each and every moment, no matter what we are doing. This means uncovering the s**t that says you don’t have what it takes, you can’t be this, do this, achieve this, create this. The path may not be smooth (rarely is). It may not all go to plan (rarely does), but you do have what it takes to create what you want; you simply must be willing to keep going, in the face of all that may show up as the opposite of what you want, until you realise (make real) what you set out to be and do, and ultimately become.
I’ve learnt, obstacles are not obstacles; they are simply sign posts asking me to clear the crud I’ve picked up along the way, often telling me I didn’t deserve this. What I also uncovered often was my soul letting me know that what I was going after wasn’t really what I wanted, and it wasn’t happening because it wasn’t my real desire or purpose. Sometimes the unconscious messages behind things not going the way I wanted, wasn’t due to what I was doing (I was working bloody hard), but who I was being.
These unconscious messages were there to serve me; to get me on path, to remind me of my truth. That I can be and do what I choose, if what I’m choosing is in alignment to who I believe myself to be and how I feel about myself in relation to that. If there is any tension in what I’m choosing i.e. when I think, feel or talk about it, a part of me tenses up, then I know I am believing something that is simply not my truth, and until I heal this, I may be successful (or not), however it’s unlikely I will feel truly fulfilled, on purpose. Alive, in my truth.
This has been my journey for a long time and it’s only when I have taken the time to be brave and look my ‘tensions’ in the face, I’ve seen how hard I made my journey. In the end, what it has taken has been a willingness to be utterly honest with myself, choose what I really choose irrespective of what anyone else thinks. Be at peace with all my choices and other’s responses to this. Uncover and face the ‘tensions’ when they show up and jump into the abyss, trusting that after all the work has been done, I can only be and do what I can. My leap of faith is now my only choice.
This book has been my leap of faith; writing it in the way I wanted to write it, sharing it in the way I share it and hope and pray the messages it brings is what is needed in the world right now. This is my work and I choose it with all of me, and I choose to keep choosing it. For it is what brings tears to my eyes, expansion to my mind, joy to my heart and truth to my soul. When I write words that open me up in this way, I know I open the possibility and potential that exists in All That Is, in All of Us and I am deeply at peace.
For those of you reading this, I have a request, if I may. If you are or know of a woman who is hiding her light, not owning her worth, not asking for what she wants and receiving it, then please share this post and message with her. Maybe you/she will buy the book, maybe you/she won’t. That’s okay. All I ask is you share the message. I know this message will get into the hands of the girls and women it’s meant to. I trust in that. It’s why I wrote this book and will write the ones to come. I trust the journey to come.
“Let your dreams outgrow the shoes of your expectations.”
Thank you with all my heart.
Much, much love and blessings.